and you said cock pushups were impossible
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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