My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
