I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize