those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
