the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
