Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
