Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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