I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
