The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
