My nipple is on Facebook.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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