we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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