so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
