Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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