so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
