Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
