Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
