It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize