just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
