I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
a search helicopter?!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
