and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize