I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
