hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
