I cannot find my penis.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
