At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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