I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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