she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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