Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
