Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize