I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
