Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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