I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize