I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize