What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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