How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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