yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
