dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
