Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
