Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
