I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
