woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
