Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
