i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
