i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
