we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
