Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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