4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
