We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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