Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
