you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
