I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
