Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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