we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
