I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
