Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
