i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
