the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
