I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
