Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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